


My Immortal

by t4l3r



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Ascended Daniel Jackson, Canon Compliant, Evanescence, M/M, Non-Canon Relationship, POV Jack O'Neill, Season/Series 06, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 01:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12665373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t4l3r/pseuds/t4l3r
Summary: Daniel has ascended and Jack is trying to deal with the pain. Set during S6. Written around the song 'My Immortal' by Amy Lee of Evanescence.





	My Immortal

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my FF account T4L3R  
> Nov 24 2010  
> Italic words are the song's lyrics.

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears_  
_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_  
_Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone_

You died again. I wish you'd stop. This time though, it's different.  
Every time you died before, there was always a way for you to come back. You ALWAYS came back.  
Only you died of radiation and you ascended. You went with Oma and left me behind!  
Jacob was healing you, you asked me to tell him to stop.  
You went through the Gate in a state of higher plane.  
I keep telling myself that you'll come back, because you always have.  
I keep telling myself this because I hope that if I tell myself this enough, you will come back.

Yet there is a reminder of everywhere I go.  
Your image just won't leave.  
Hell, I've even had delusions of you even though I know you're gone.  
There's no way you could be here. Yet, I see you as if you were.  
I know you're a delusion. I can't touch you, I can't feel you, but I can see and hear you.

You've come to me while I was being tortured by Ba'al.  
You've come to me in my sleep. You keep coming back.  
If you had to leave, why can't you just stay gone and let me grieve for the best thing that's happened to me since Charlie was born?

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

This pain, it's the worst I've ever felt in my life. I know pain, yet it's nothing like I have experienced and I wish it on no one, even the worst of the snakeheads.  
Everywhere there's pain.  
It won't heal. It won't dull.  
I don't believe it's ever going to fade.  
I don't care what they say that time heals all.  
We have too much history to have that suddenly disappear.

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have all of me_

I've held you when you were suffering the sarcophagus withdrawal.  
I've held you when you broke down when things were too much for you.  
I've held you when you almost jumped off that balcony.  
I've held you when grieved over Sha're.  
I've held you when you suffered the aftermath of Hathor.  
I've held you when you were scared, when you've been hurt beyond belief.  
I've held you through everything.  
I've been by your side to fight off the evils of this world and the worlds beyond this one.  
I've been by your side as much as possible.

I know I haven't been the best person throughout it all and have done my share of the pain you've been through, but I've tried to make up for them. I know you've forgiven me for every wrong I've done you but I haven't forgiven myself.

I couldn't promise that everything would have been heaven in our love but I promised I would never leave your side. I still am. I've always wanted you happy.

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_  
_Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind_  
_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_  
_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

Everywhere I look, there's a reminder.

The Stargate. Everything about it screams "Daniel Jackson," the man that solved the mystery in two weeks - something people couldn't in two years. The man who has stepped through it, solved mysteries of other worlds, helped discovered life, history, saved their worlds and ours.

The People. You've affected so many people here. Do you know that? You may be insecure of yourself but you're the strongest person I know. Your kindness, your curiosity, your gentle nature, your ideals, you willing to fight for what's right, you willing to save people no matter if they be friend or foe - do you know how many people owe you their lives on countless levels? You've inspired everyone. You've inspired me.

This World. It's a shame that everyone unaware of this program is don't know who you really are. It's a shame that everyone in that league of geeks of yours that doesn't know how right you are.

You've saved my life, my world, and I owe you most of all. You've kept me sane, even at my most insane moments.

Yet you still dwell, even if you're gone.  
If you did have to leave, why not stay there?  
I've lost everything because you ARE my everything.  
Now I here I am, void of everything, slowly withering.

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have all of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_  
_But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along_

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears_  
_And I held your hand through all of these years_  
_But you still have all of me, me, me_

The day you died, the day you left,  
It was the day I died, the day I left.  
Now I sit here alone.

I am worse off now than I was the day you met me.  
Here I cry, alone, hoping your return, though I don't believe it.  
Everything I am, you have. I gave everything to you.  
Now it's gone...

I'm once again faced with the trials of battling suicide.  
Until you return, I will never be who I truly am.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an edited version of the story posted on FF to correct minor details such as spelling and formatting. The original post on FF has been left unchanged except to add the fact that it now posted here as well.


End file.
